Leap of Faith

Just finished my last days as sn employee at my place of employment. Strangely I'm a little emtionless. I thought I would have had more feelings about leaving my job of nearly three years but I really don't. The past three years have been a kind of love/hate affair with my job. The job definately came at a time when I needed it most, it was a no stress, laid back, flexible situation that paid decent money. My boss spent 75% of the year out of the country and I was the only employee in the office. Nice set up right? One would think. There are times during my tenure that I thought for sure I would slit my wrist with a dull butter knife. Other times I was able to fully grasp the bon I'd received by landing this job. My employment situation allowed me to study and complete my degree, placed on intellectual demands upon me but nor did it actually provide any professional growth. The solitude of the position was a times my best friend and at other times my worst enemy. Not having co-workers to interact with, gossip with, share the work load, bitch about the boss on a daily basis was a little depressing. On the flipside I had no interoffice infighting, no jockeying for position with the boss and no co-worker undermining my work. I can say that I did not miss those experiences. One thing really positive that all of the solitude afforded me was the time to dream. My dream of moving to abroad had taken root years ago but the fragile tenticles sprouting from those dreams grasping for reality started taking shape in the four walls of Real Technology. My first opportunity to take a trip to Europe came when John and Ken starting talking about a trip they were going to take in 2007. I'd only been working at my job for about 3 months and had no vacation but I knew I wanted to go. I asked, or rather invited myself along on their trip to what was then Germany, Austria and Prague. As the planning flew into high gear Paris and Rome where added; afterall one can't take one's first trip to Europe and NOT see Paris (well at least according to John...one of the many reasons I love him!) We added Rome because as a little girl I always invisioned myself ah-la-Audrey Hepburn moterscootering around Rome like in the movie "Roman Holiday"; so those guys were game enough to let me live out my girlhood dream so Rome was added!

I can honestly say that trip changed my life on so many levels. First thing that I was confronted was my fear. I believe one of the reasons dreams remain dreams and turn into a life unfulfilled is fear. The trip with John and Ken tackeled so many of my fears surrounding my dream of moving abroad. The circumstances surrounding this trip were not condusive for me going. I had just started a new job, had no vacation time and really could not afford a 17 day European vacation that included 5 countries. I did not realize it but this trip was really a crossroad for me. On the surface to some it might appear to be a frivolous indulgence considering my situation or something more meaningful and life altering. We started planning this trip in October 2007. In order to make it work financially I decided to take a part-time job. The demands of my regular job were pretty light, I felt I could easily do another 5-6 hours to make the extra money for my trip. Sooo...I landed a job in a call center doing radio surveys. It was a truly annoying job where we called people asking if they would participate in a survey regarding the radio stations they listen to and for their inconvienence...we send the $2-$5. What I missed out in co-worker interaction at my regular job I got in SPADES at my part-time job. I worked there for 5 months and observed all of the intrique of interoffice romances, coworking backstabbing; petty gossip...man it was AWESOME! There were so many colorful characters there I could probably write a book about my experience. Another good thing that came out of hte experience was that during that time I really came to love and appreciate the solitude of my regualar job.(lol)

April 2008 arrived and many leaps of faith later it was time for us to depart for Europe. I say leaps of faith because I received many blessings along the way and the ability to believe that I was going to make the trip when many things pointed to it not being a reality.  First just getting the days off was an accomplishment.  Once the vacation was approved by boss...well I did not actually give them a choice...I positioned in a way that they did not have to think about yes or no...just an ok.  The three of us were truly stepping out on faith that we would survive 17 days together:-). As I mentioned; this trip changed my life. John and Ken were the perfect people to take this adventure with. They provided me with a sense of protection that travel with two men who had been to Europe before affords. Ken is super-organized and was the keeper of all information. John is all things factual and he knew so many interesting details about each city we visited. My job was simple...soak it all up:-) So what did I learn on my first trip that changed my life? Well, I learned what it is to be my ideal of an American. Some good, some bad but all of it was eye opening.  Many myths were shattered and many unpleasant impressions about Americans were realized.  I'd like to think that I have never been what people from other countries experienced in some Americans. The ones that go to other countries and are upset that no one speaks english are in search of McDonalds. Isn't the purpose of world travel to soak in other cultures and expereince different ways of life? Prior to Europe I'd only traveled to the Carribean to the Dominican Republic. I stayed on a 5-star resort but the most fun I had while there was spent off the resort. We were invited by one of the guys that worked on the resort to a beach cookout. The guys actually caught the fish right out of the Carribean Ocean, gutted and prepared it and cooked it over an open fire on the beach! I wasn't sure if I could handle my food THAT fresh! I mean, shit...the eyes where still on staring up at me and where were the perservatives and artificial coloring!?! Once I overcame my Amercian sensibilites I can honestly say that that was one of the best meals of my life! What an experience! The simplicity and honesty of that meal has always stayed with me. I would never have had the experience if I would have stayed on the reservation. So I looked at my trip to Europe the same way. So in France, I attempted, failed and mutilated French with a couple of successes. In Rome, my attempts at the language probably sounded more like Spanish than Italian:-) Sad to say that I did not try any German in Germany and Prague was completely out of the question. John and I could even figure out how to say "hello" or anything else in that language. We said we do better the next time.  I think one of the most important things I got on that trip was the sense of I could make this happen!  Not just dream about it but put things in motion to move toward my goal.  When I got back home literally my engines started reering!  I started thinking "how am I going to make this happen?  The question of not doing this was no longer apart of the equation.  When I got back home all I knew was that I was going back to Europe again, soon and eventually to stay.  After my return each day in my office of one I planned, researched and created scenarios of what, how, why and when my move would take place.  It became my obsession.  My job became a blessing in that sense that I had time to dream and see myself actually living outside the U.S.  I had time to surf the net for facts, fiction and urban myths about an American trying to make the leap and move to Spain.  Some of the information was and is scary; such as Spain's unemployment rate, the dollars decline agains the euro....both good reasons to maybe second guess a move to Europe the same thing is happening in the U.S. so what the heck.  Leap of faith can't happen without the leaping part.